


No Fun in Funeral

by VioletNight_9



Series: Sanders Sides Oneshots (VioletNight) [16]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Crying, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Has A Crush On Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Death, Drugs, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Other, Suicidal Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Suicide, The Author Regrets Everything, Wakes & Funerals, What Have I Done, Wine, actually hes already dead, everyone is ooc, remus has anxious tendencies, sorry - Freeform, technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:54:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29350014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletNight_9/pseuds/VioletNight_9
Summary: Virgil had always said he put the fun in funeral. Well this wasn't fun and barely a funeral.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Everyone & Everyone
Series: Sanders Sides Oneshots (VioletNight) [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865167
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	No Fun in Funeral

**Author's Note:**

> TW: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH; Virgil, Suicide, Self-Harm, Alcohol, Drugs, Crying, Talk of Finding the Body  
> cw: Sympathetic Janus, Sympathetic Remus, cursing (a lot of it too)
> 
> Please take care of yourselves and don't read this if any of the above triggers you. I love you guys, stay safe <3

Virgil always said he put the fun in funeral, but this was not fun in the least bit. Nobody wanted to look at Virgil's picture in fear of completely breaking down, Remus had already smoked half a pack of cigarettes- a few were shared with Logan-, Janus had already had a quarter of a wine bottle and snuck off a few times with Patton to go sob in private, and Roman was dead silent and beyond spaced out. Needless to say it was not a _fun_ time.

It wasn't really a funeral, not in the technical sense. The service was just held at Patton’s home. Janus warned him that it would only make Patton sadder for longer about the loss but no one really wanted to fight him. He had lost who he had practically considered to be his son and honestly, everyone understood exactly what he felt. To be fair they'd probably host it at another person's home in the party, Patton just offered first.

Virgil's body wasn't even in a casket in the house. He had always said that he wanted his body donated to scientists so they could salvage what still worked in his body. Everyone found it a morbid subject but Remus always had fun talking about it with Virgil.

_“How would you want your funeral?”_

_“I don't know, maybe just something casual- either that or something along the lines of an Irish wake or some shit.”_

_“Nice. I’d want my ashes to be in a jar in the front of the room with a little note for people to read after the food that just says ‘now you carry a little part of me with you everywhere’.”_

_“Pfft yeah, if your dumbass would remember to write the note.”_

* * *

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Virgil Sanders, a son, a friend, a lover,” Patton spoke through teary eyes, Logan looking away to discreetly wipe away his tears. “We all- _ahem-_ we all have wonderful memories with him, we- I- I’m sorry I can’t do this.” Patton wiped his eyes and walked out of the room, the tail end of a sob catching everybody’s ears.

The walls of the usually bright and lively house seemed tinted grey. The lamps felt too bright and the sun wasn’t doing its job. The carpet felt itchy and the wooden floor was freezing despite it being July and 93 degrees outside. 

Several stale seconds passed before Janus huffed and stood up, fixing his jacket and walking to the door. Everyone's eyes followed him as he took a glass from the table by the door and slipped on his boots.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Roman asked, turning around from where he was sitting. Janus sighed and brought the wine up to his mouth, taking a long sip.

“I’m going out to relax.” He said, a haze clouding his eyes as he opened the front door and walked out. Remus blinked at the door for a moment before standing up and following Janus out, closing the door and taking out a box of what should have been cigarettes- but was now filled with a blunt or two- from his pocket. Logan put his head into his hands and leaned forward onto his knees.

“This is a disaster.” He grumbled, Roman nodding absently while staring into space. The soft tapping of feet against the floor as Patton walked back in. Logan looked up and they shared a small silent conversation before Patton walked to the couch and sat down, leaning against Logan and sniffling.

* * *

The sun was really hot, Janus almost regretted coming outside. Almost. Remus sat on a swing bench on the porch a little behind him, smoking in silence. Janus was almost done with his wine by the time Patton had come out and offered him some more out of the bottle which he gladly accepted. The two on the porch avoided each other's eyes, trying to hide their own tears as they busied themselves with their minds.

 _Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap_ -

“Can you stop tapping for like five minutes?” Janus hissed, no real bite in his words. It was more of a request than the order it sounded like. Still, Remus’ leg stopped in its tracks, favoring to let his hands shake, wincing when he accidentally touched the hot end of his blunt. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that. I’m just,” Janus put his glass onto the fence and put his head in his hands, letting out a long sigh, “I’m just tired.”

“I get that,” Remus said shakily. He scratched up the side of his hand and down his arm, absentmindedly letting his sharp nails catch on his skin. 

“How are you holding up?” Janus took a sip on his wine. “You were basically his best friend.”

“You say that like you didn’t love him like he was your kid.” Remus bit, scratching harder. “And I’m _not_ holding up. This is bullshit. We tried so fucking hard. It hurts so bad, Janny. Fuck- I loved him okay?”

“We all loved him Remus.”

“Oh fuck off you know know what I meant.” 

“Sorry, Sorry.”

“No- don’t be- I- _fuck_ , it’s not your fault. Don’t apologize, I’m sorry. It's creepy of me anyway, he had a boyfriend.” Remus rambled.

“You know they were open anyway, right?”

“Can we not talk about this right now please? I don't want to think about it. Fuck, I just want to curl up and die.” Janus snapped his eyes to glance at Remus out of the corner of his vision. “Sorry, bad word choice.” Remus chuckled wetly, laying on the cushioned bench with a blunt in-between his lips. Janus turned his head and raised an eyebrow before turning around all the way.

“You want to know what sucks the most about this?” Remus said, pulling the blunt away and letting out a puff of smoke. 

“Do fill me in,” Janus took a swig of his wine.

“No one knows that I'm the one who found him,” Remus sniffled slightly before coughing, “I found him in the bathroom. All sprawled out in the tub, blood on his wrists and… Fucking just- _everywhere_. Shit looked like a horror movie scene.”

Janus had paused mid-drink, eyes widening as he slowly took the glass away from his mouth.

“And you didn't tell anyone, why?” Janus asked cautiously. Remus shrugged and took another hit, water building up in his eyes.

“I didn't want Patton to fuss or Roman yell- or Logan to look too deep into it.” Remus let a few tears fall. “Virgil just- I came in to check on him because like- none of us had seen him in weeks. I brought take out to share with him. I was so _excited_ to see him.

“But I just- I opened the bathroom door when looking for him and just- there he was. _Our_ Virgil, just… _gone_ ,” Remus sat up and dropped the blunt in an ashtray before putting his head in his hands, suppressing the sobs that were building up in his chest. “I've always been fucked up- you know that- but… God damn that just- fuck Jan I don't know what to _do_ with myself anymore. I close my eyes and all I see is _him_.”

Janus stared at Remus, his thoughts running a million miles a minute. He couldn't find a sentence to latch onto, a condolence that he thought would work for the time being. Fuck how do you comfort someone who had to see their best friend and crush’s dead body. You can't that's how. Fuck fuck fuck.

“I mean someone had to find him,” Remus mumbled softly into his hands, “I'm just relieved that it was me and not Patton or Logan- fuck that would've broken them.” Janus’ thoughts clicked into place.

“You say that like it didn't break you.” Remus let out a laugh with absolutely no humor.

“I've always been broken Janny, it's just a little harder to hide it now… okay a lot harder but I- I can cope.” He took a deep breath, “I have to cope.”

* * *

Janus had gone through a whole bottle of wine and Remus was _slightly_ high. At some point someone had flipped Virgil's picture down because every time someone had looked at him- intoxicated or not- they'd broken into sobs. Everyone was pretty sure it was Logan but they didn't want to say anything.

Roman had put on some music so they could ‘pretend everything was normal for the last time’. Logan was standing on the side with a glass of wine with Roman who was pretty much glued to his waist. Janus and Patton were holding each other close and swaying slowly from side to side- everyone figured out pretty fast that they were just trying to keep each other calm. Meanwhile, Remus blinked at his phone blankly in a corner, staring at his texts with his therapist.

_hey so one of my friends committed and i'm fuuuucked can we schedule an appointment soon_

He'd already proofread the message a million times and he couldn't be bothered to look over it again. Tapping the send button he shoved his phone into his pocket and scratched at his arms. This wasn't fun. This wasn't Virgil. It felt like hell. Everything was so fucked.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not having a fun time with school (i have so many god damn assignments) but at least i get to watch the muppets with my partner for valentines so that's nice
> 
> tumblr to yell at me:  
> https://raindropsduringthesunset.tumblr.com/


End file.
